<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>to live, always at war by UrbanScout</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24184681">to live, always at war</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UrbanScout/pseuds/UrbanScout'>UrbanScout</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Descendants (Disney Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:49:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,523</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24184681</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UrbanScout/pseuds/UrbanScout</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A glimpse into the mind of the Isle's fiercest pirate captain.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gil/Harry Hook/Uma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>to live, always at war</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>what is it like to live always at war? to be fighting? always fighting. always ready to fight. from the day you are born, you are a fighter, you have to be or you will not survive. but you do survive and that becomes your talent. surviving against all the odds. fighting back in a world that wants you dead and buried.</p>
<p>you hope she may have loved you once, your mother, that maybe for the first few days or weeks she didn’t hate you. you’re not sure she ever actually hated you. ( ungrateful. useless. weak. ) maybe she did. maybe some innate power forced her to look after you until you could fend for yourself and after that you were no longer her problem.</p>
<p>you’ve always been a problem. you’ve always caused problems. at first, they were the fun kind, the stories you tell, the mischief kids get up to when there’s no-one to watch them and no rules in play. but then the world got harder, got meaner. until your mother wasn’t the only person calling you names. ( weak. small. shrimpy. ) until everyone was against you and you started causing problems for the people who caused you problems. which was everyone.</p>
<p>they don’t deserve you. and you deserve better than them. better than a rubbish heap. better than a prison cell. better than a crowd of people chanting the name you hate. <em> one day they’ll chant your real name. </em>out of fear. or out of love. you want to be worshipped as the sea queen you’re meant to be, not thrown aside like last week’s crab surprise ( the surprise is there’s no crab ).</p>
<p>but the only prayers you get are your mother’s words screamed through a hatch in the wall to tell you what to cook or what tables need cleaning. there’s no gods here, no worship, no love. so all that leaves is the idea that you must take what you want through fear.</p>
<p>your mother gives you one true gift in your life, a locket that hangs around your neck. it’s all that’s left, she says. you don’t know what that means, but it must be important. your mother doesn’t keep around things that are worthless ( except you, of course ) so it has to have some use. she gives you other gifts, a lesson in spells and potions you can’t create here. useless information.</p>
<p>and it doesn’t come for free. you must work for it, just like everything else in your life. you work so hard for it, scrubbing dishes and tables until your fingers are wrinkly from being submerged ( a fine sea witch you are ), standing on a stool to reach the fryer and burning your arms when they spit at you. they’re the least offensive things that spit at you some days.</p>
<p>you think if you work hard enough you might not be so useless, but each day you get more work and less attention, until it stops altogether, until your mother disappears and you are left in charge. it isn’t much to rule over, one lonely shop on one desolate dock, but it’s yours. her name hangs above the door, but it’s yours and one day everyone will know it.</p>
<p>you make it your base, you make it safe for you and you alone. when you take to the streets to claim territory, you do it from there. you take the docks first, demanding the wharf rats follow you. or at least don’t disturb you. they opt for the latter. you can have the territory; they’ll just work there. they have no ambition, no drive.</p>
<p>you have ambition. you have nothing but ambition. you want more. more land. more power. more fear. but it’s never enough, because no matter what territory you take, no matter who you strongarm into your service, someone else remains better, remains on top. and you can’t claw your way into that spot, you don’t have the power. no-one fears you like they fear <em> them. </em>so you can never win. you’re doomed to lose and keep losing.</p>
<p>so it levels out, you have your territory and sometimes there are small turf battles, but you always win it back. losing isn’t an option. so you keep winning. you keep fighting. you take small victories instead of large ones, you set small goals. ( get through the day. scare a tip out of someone. make someone scream in fright. ) so you feel like you’re achieving. ( you’re not )</p>
<p>and then it’s over, <em> they </em> are gone and you’re alone. really, truly alone. and you can take the territory but what use is territory? not when you can realise that there’s something better out there. there’s freedom out there. it’s a possibility. to leave this place, to start somewhere new. you could be so much more than this. so much more than dishwashing, table wiping, order taking pond scum. you could be a big fish. you could <em> matter. </em></p>
<p>you’ve never mattered before in your life. not to anyone. but you form a plan. you’re good at plans. something amazing happens and you do your best to capitalize. you have to. you’ve got one shot. so you turn to someone else for help, and it doesn’t immediately bite you in the ass, so you expand your search for able bodies and sharp minds. you win a race. you own a ship. you form a crew.</p>
<p>you realise that this crew, these children, are as lost and hopeless as you. they’re scrawny and needy and a little bit desperate for a leader, and for freedom. and these two things shouldn’t intertwine but they do because you can be both.</p>
<p>your destiny is to do this, you know it. so, when it fails, you assume the fates are playing with you. they hate you. you must have angered many gods and you don’t even care. they’re all useless gods anyway, you’re the only god you need. and you will be worshipped. you make everyone whisper their prayers to you. they call your name into the darkness. and you steel your resolve to try again. to fight again. you will fight again.</p>
<p>and you do fight again. you make a new plan. you change the game. you rewrite the rules and somehow they still get broken. you are left, desolate and abandoned in a place of no escape.</p>
<p>so you escape. you don’t let their rules define you and you free yourself first, with the goal of coming back for others. you hit the water and it hurts like nothing else, until it doesn’t. until the sting of saltwater in your eyes and mouth becomes bearable. becomes breathing and seeing. everything adjusts and you can <em> feel </em>like you’ve never felt before.</p>
<p>there’s time for another plan. another good plan. but that too, fails. everything you do is doomed to failure and for a time, you let the ocean have you. there’s little else to be done. you try and try again, but there’s nothing you can do. you are trapped more than ever, outside of where you really want to be. you saw the sun and flew into it and now you are burning and crashing and all you long for is on the other side of a glass wall unable to hear your cries for help.</p>
<p>you should learn from all these failures, but instead you try again, and fail again, are betrayed again, are used again. this time the ocean really can have you. but you never stray too far. and it’s a good thing too.</p>
<p>you are right there when they need you. when your heart returns to you in two halves, together and happy. when your power returns to you, curled in the palm of your hand. a bargaining chip.</p>
<p>you save the world. or try to. it all goes south again, but that’s not your fault this time. the world can rot just so long as you have your heart. you don’t need anything else. but maybe it needs you. maybe this is your time.</p>
<p>spoiler, it isn’t. you save the world and allow yourself to be locked back in a prison because it’s the right thing to do. because you can’t rule out of fear alone, you need to love and be loved and the place you grew up has no love and needs some. and it’s your chance to make a change, to give it out. to save that world too.</p>
<p>so you resign yourself to your fate. and your heart returns with you. and the gods smile on that too. you are released one final time from the prison but return immediately and willingly to your own obligations. you have built yourself new shackles, but they do not weigh you down so much as ground you. they remind you that you do not have to be a god, you can settle for being a person. a good person. the right person for the job.</p>
<p>it’s your time to solve problems instead of create them.</p>
<p>to save the world instead of conquer it.</p>
<p>then, maybe, you can be happy.</p>
<p>maybe you can lay down your sword. </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>